Questions need answering
by MrsJeffreyCollier
Summary: It has been a year since the explosion and Jeff is rebuilding his life with the help of the doctors and his wife. Now he has received a text from someone who let him down, he abandoned him when he needed her the most, she wants to meet and talk. Will this help Jeff to move on completely with his new life?
1. Chapter 1

Jeff woke up when his alarm went off, he still didn't know why he had set it as he didn't need to be anywhere, but, old habits die hard. It was starting to get colder now that October had begun, so the little bit of morning sun was still a good sight to wake up to, he nearly came so close to never seeing it again. Considering the date, he had slept surprisingly well, he had thought he would have had nightmares and flashbacks to the explosion, but, he didn't. In fact, he couldn't remember what he had dreamt about, but, he was sure it was of his wife and some exotic beach somewhere.

Getting up slowly, Jeff glanced down at his phone; 07:30 Sunday 4th October 2015. One whole year. A whole year had passed since that life changing event, a whole year of appointments, operations, and counselling sessions, assessments, grieving and talking. His life was never going to be the same again. It really was a life changing event, an event that made Jeff see things differently, he had made mistakes in the past and now was the time to start to put them right and do what he wanted to do.

Jeff stretched on his way into the bathroom and got into the shower. The warm spray hit his skin as he started to wake up and get ready for the day. He didn't know what he was going to do with himself, but, he was certain he would find something to do, or, more to the point, he would be given a list of things that needed doing. Shutting off the shower, Jeff stepped out onto the bathmat and reached for his towel looking at his reflection in the mirror. The scars were still prominent on his face, upper body and legs. He had undergone months of plastic surgery and skin grafts to get him to where he was now and although he looked different, he was still the same Jeff underneath. At least she saw that if no one else did. The scars would heal over time, but the mental and psychological ones would take longer to heal. Jeff was grateful that he got away with his life no matter how he looked, he was still alive.

After he got dressed and made the bed, Jeff picked up his phone and noticed a text message had arrived. He swiftly tapped in his pin and unlocked the screen clicking on the envelope to open the message. He read the number and froze. It was a number he recognised. A number he knew. A number he had not seen for a year now. He had deleted the contact at the start of the year, he didn't want to remember what she did to him, and how she behaved and left him so he opted for a clean break. Why after a year and today of all days would she be texting?

His eyes glanced down:

 ** _Hi Jeff. This is really hard to do but I hope you will read it. Can we meet please? I think it is about time we spoke and time I explained my reaction. I am back in Holby for a few days._**

Jeff didn't know what to do. Should he respond and tell her to do one, should he arrange to meet or should he delete it and pray that he doesn't bump into her again? He sank back onto the bed for a couple of minutes. His head was going around in circles, how can a text from that number affect him so much? He took a few deep breaths and started to think about it. What should I do? Jeff thought about all his options, but he knew he had to do one thing and that was to tell his wife. They agreed after the accident that their marriage should be honest and they should talk to each other about anything no matter how small but they should always talk. He was never much of a talker especially when things were bothering him, but, now, he had been given a second chance and talking things through helped him.

Jeff thought about the woman that he called his wife for a moment, she didn't go anywhere, she stayed put and supported him and here he was, married and expecting a baby with her. He had come a long way since the accident, the doctors and everyone were so impressed with his resilience and progress that the Ambulance Trust had agreed to take him back on at the start of December on a part time basis to see how he coped being back out there.

Jeff locked his phone and headed downstairs, he was going to show her the text and talk through what he should do with her. Would she agree with him? As he walked into the kitchen he saw his wife loading the washing machine and making a tea.

'Good morning babe.'

'Hello Mr Collier, how did you sleep?'

'Surprisingly good. You?'

'Yeah, not too bad, for the moment.'

'And how is my little bump? Did you behave yourself for Mummy?' Jeff spoke to her belly as he stroked it and kissed it tenderly.

'Charming, is that how it is going to be? You kissing the baby before me?'

Jeff smiled and pulled his wife close to him giving her a kiss on the lips before letting her go to finish making the tea.

'What's for breakfast?'

'Cereal'

'Fair play? Shall I get the stuff ready?'

'Yes please.'

The pair of them got their bits ready for breakfast and were eating in a comfortable silence, she knew something was on his mind, she could tell. She watched him stir his cornflakes around the bowl for the tenth time before she decided to speak.

'Jeff, what is it?'

'Huh?'

'What's wrong? You have gone all silent and you haven't even touched the sports section yet.'

Jeff put down his spoon and reached for his phone placing it on the table before looking his wife deep into her eyes.

'You know we agreed that we would always talk to one another and be honest?'

'Yes'

'Well, I need to show you something and you need to promise me not to overreact.'

'Jesus, you haven't checked the bank statement have you?'

'Ha, I know we are overdrawn babe, so what's the point. I tell you not to spend and you spend!'

'I know, but things just jump into the trolley.'

'I know they do, like that super-size carrot cake? Anyway, I want you to read something that I received this morning and tell me what you think I should do.'

Jeff passed his phone over and watched as she tapped in his pin and went to his messages. It didn't bother him that she knew his pin, he knew hers, they had nothing to hide.

'Is that the number I think it is?'

Jeff nodded.

'Bloody cheek. What is she doing texting you after what she did? After how she reacted? How she left you? She hasn't been in contact with you for a whole year and now this? She has some nerve.'

'Babe, calm down and read it.'

'I have read it Jeff, she wants to meet with you to explain. What a load of rubbish.'

'We don't know that though do we?'

'Jeff, be serious about it, you gave her so much and what did she do? Left you.'

'I know and it was for the best that she did otherwise we wouldn't be together now nor would we be expecting our baby, but, there is a part of me that wants to know why she did it.'

'We have spoken about her and this time and time again Jeff.'

'I know, but, all we have done is surmise, we don't know for certain.'

Passing the phone back, she let out a long breath before looking at Jeff. 'Do you want to know?' She said quietly.

'I think I do. Don't get me wrong, I am happy, we are together, you are expecting, I have moved on from the accident and what she did, but, I guess seeing her, listening to her will just, y'a know, help somehow.'

'You have to do what you think you need to do Jeff. If you want to see her, she could come here and you could talk that way, if it all gets too much for you, you could go upstairs or ask her to leave.'

'No, I don't want her near our house. If I am going to meet her then we will meet in town. Richendo's have a nice quiet area downstairs we can meet there. But, I want you there too.'

'Why? Wont that make it slightly awkward considering.'

'Why would it? We are married and she needs to see that I have moved on from her. I want you to hear what she has to say, I want you both to hear what I have to say and I want her to hear what you have to say. We are in this together.'

'Only if you are sure.'

'I am.'

'Right, well, not quite what I had in mind for today, but, this is more important that washing and shopping. Text her back and tell her we will meet at 10.'

'Does that give you enough time?'

'You cheeky git.'

Jeff smiled leaning forward to give his wife a kiss, she knew just how to make things better before reaching for his phone again to type the reply.

 ** _Hi. Meet you at Richendo's, go downstairs if you are there before us. We will be there at about 10._**

Locking his phone and moving to help with the washing, Jeff wondered if he had truly done the right thing. They had about an hour and a half to wait before they would come face to face with each other again. He needed to be prepared, to know what he was going to ask her even if he knew what he was going to tell her. Was it the right thing to do, or should he just have told her to do one? Either way, he had spent a year going around in circles as to why she left him the way she did, now was the time to find out and close that chapter in his life once and for all, just as the new one was about to open.


	2. Chapter 2

Jeff was sitting in the living room absentmindedly staring into space. It had been about an hour since he had sent the text and received a short reply acknowledging where and when to meet. He was now thinking about what he would say, what he would do, how would he react. He wasn't sure how to greet her, who would start the conversation, how the two women would react to being in the same room together when so much happened before the accident and so much afterwards. Has she changed? Has she moved on from what they had together? All of these questions would answer themselves soon enough.

Once more he thought about his life, he thought about how he would never joke about having nine lives again, how much he cherished every moment he was awake. He thought about his children, how he had made more effort to see them since he got out of hospital, how their relationship was growing again. He still wondered though, why did she leave? What was it that she couldn't cope with? Although he wanted the answers, to see her again and hear her side of the story, he wasn't sure now he could face it again. He was finally happy, would she spoil it all for him? He was started to get a headache, all this going around in circles wasn't going to help.

'Oh, there you are. I have been calling you for ages'.

Jeff snapped himself out of his trance and opened his arms to her as she came forward and sat sideways on his lap, as soon as she was seated, he wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her tightly.

'Sorry babe, was in a world of my own.'

'You have done that quite a bit since her text. Are you sure this is a good idea?'

'When you asked me that earlier, yes, now, I am not so sure.'

'Why? I thought you wanted closure, to know why she did what she did and to show her that you have moved on and that you are truly happy.'

'Yeah, I do, but I am just nervous you know.'

'That is only natural Jeff, I will be with you though.'

'And I wouldn't have had it any other way.'

Smiling at his wife, Jeff placed his lips over hers and instigated a slow tender kiss. Pulling apart, they rested their foreheads against each other just enjoying the comfortable silence.

'Right, I am off to the loo before we go, could you make sure I have locked the back door please?'

'I swear you are getting worse in your pregnant state.' He just about managed to move to avoid a cushion that was coming his way as she left the room.

Smiling again, Jeff spent a few moments thinking about how much he loved his wife and how much he was looking forward to being a father again, but, more importantly, a father with her. Yes, it was going to be awkward seeing her again, but, he needed to know, he needed the closure so that he could fully embrace this new chapter in his life and be there for his wife and baby. Getting up, he went to check the back door before locating the keys, coats and mobiles.

Richendo's was at the corner of the High Street opposite Holby Court, it was in an old Victorian building with grand windows and entrance. She could see why Jeff picked it, it was always busy with a steady stream of people, but the seating area downstairs gave people enough privacy and you never felt rushed. She made her way downstairs finding the sofa and two armchairs in the corner vacant, so, she placed her latte and bag down making herself comfy in the corner where she could see everyone that came down the stairs.

She didn't know why she chose today to send him that message and suggest to meet up, she had been back in Holby for a couple of days and had already bumped into an old colleague who had told her that Jeff was making a good recovery and would be back at work soon. She spent some time walking around Holby, watching the Ambulance Station from a distance, reminding her of the life she once had here. Seeing her old place of work, the people who she once called her friends, she decided she needed to see him, to be truthful and honest with him, tell him why she ran off, tell him what is was she struggled with. She hadn't really moved on from him emotionally, she still thought of him every day and wondered what he was doing, who he was with. She knew it wouldn't be long before she would meet him and her again, why did he have to bring her with him? Her heart sank that little bit more when Jeff replied saying that they would meet her in Richendo's, why is she coming to? Hasn't she done enough already? Was he with her? Was it even the same her? It had to be didn't it?

Nervously she checked her watch again, almost time. Pulling her compact from her bag she checked her hair and make-up before seeing two familiar faces walking down the stairs towards her. It was time. It was now or never. She couldn't run. She couldn't hide. They had seen her and she had seen them.

She watched as they moved towards her, Jeff was leading, she was behind. Jeff was holding a tray with two drinks negotiating the tables and chairs. She took this time to study him. He looked a little shaky on his feet and walked with a slight limp, the wedding band shone out from his left hand as he put the tray on the table in front of her. That is when she really looked at his face. The face that always lit up the room with his smile. It had changed. It was still Jeff under there but he was scarred heavily, she could see where he had had surgery and where he would be forever reminded of the accident. She couldn't be sure, but, she noticed a small hearing aid behind his left ear, what had happened to him.

She had to pinch herself to stop her from staring at him as he moved the chair out for his wife to sit on. She then turned to look at her, she hadn't changed much but was looking a little chubby. She couldn't decide if it was weight gain or pregnancy, the coat she was wearing gave nothing away and neither did the top when she undid her coat.

'Hi' Jeff said as he finally sat down taking the drinks off the tray. 'Sorry we are a bit late, someone couldn't make up their mind what they wanted to drink.'

She noticed the other woman shoot him a glare, but she found herself smiling. Even now, he was still trying to lighten the atmosphere slightly.

'Hi' she finally said back, it didn't sound as confident as she had hoped, but, at least she said something. They all took a sip from their drinks not really sure what to say, her confidence had deserted her, she had thought to ask him how she was, but, now she thought about it in her head, it seemed a silly think to say.

'So, who is going to start then?' Jeff said getting straight to the point.

'Umm' again was all she could summon, she hadn't expected this direct approach but, after a year, what would she have expected, flowers? Hardly likely.

Everyone looked at each other, no one knew what to say. Jeff let out a sigh.

'We can't sit around in silence, we all know what the elephant is in the room, so why not get on with it then we can all go back to our lives and start again.'

'Makes sense I guess'

'So, who is going to start then?' Again, another pause.

'I will'. Dixie said causing the other two to look at her. 'Don't look at me like that, the pair of you are just sitting there, you wanted someone to start so I will.'

Jeff didn't say anything but nodded settling back in his chair with his coffee waiting for her to begin. Tamzin shifted in her seat rather uncomfortably, she would have thought Jeff would have started or her, not Dixie, but, nevertheless, she was going for it regardless.

Dixie wasn't sure why she volunteered herself, but the silence was getting to her, where should she begin? What would she say? She had to take herself back on year and start then, and that is exactly what she did.

'Do you know what I did when I woke up this time last year?...'

 ** _A / N – Sorry for the long delay between posts. Hope you all liked this. Anyone want to guess who is who on the ladies front?_**


	3. Chapter 3

'Do you know what I did when I woke up this time last year?' Dixie looked at Jeff who had repositioned himself on his chair looking over at her. She didn't really want to continue but she felt she had to. Tamzin was sat on the corner of her chair looking nervous. Neither answered her question but then again it was rhetorical.

'I woke earlier than usual, I found out that I never slept well when Jeff wasn't in the house and even though he told me he would be there in the morning, I knew he wouldn't be. His empty room confirmed it. I was finding it hard, being on the outside, watching the two of you getting closer in three weeks as I was pushed further away. Communication between us was hitting rock bottom, it had been like it for months, well, since my suspension anyway. While I was in Peru I would text Jeff five, six times a day and never get a response. I would phone but only ever got voicemail. I did a lot of thinking while I was away and made some decisions about myself and Jeff. When I came back to find him with Samantha and that you were back I knew I didn't stand a chance. I wanted to try though but asking Jeff to adopt with me was met with negativity and it hurt. I had ended a relationship because I couldn't bear not being with Jeff and here I was being pushed aside for you. I didn't want Jeff getting hurt, I knew you would hurt him in some way and I wanted to protect him. The first time Jeff showed any concern for me was when he noticed my eye.'

Dixie took a sip from her tea before turning to Jeff. 'Do you remember that?'

'Yeah, you said you were cleaning and some of the bleach flicked up into your eye.'

'Yep. My heart almost skipped when you asked. I thought that you still cared for me. Still held something for me. But. I was wrong. My whole world came crashing down when..'

'I asked for a divorce.' Jeff interrupted finishing the sentence for her. 'Dixie..'

'It's fine Jeff. I know why you did it. You wanted to be happy, be a proper husband and have a proper wife, not me. You didn't want me anymore. It still hurt though. I loved you so much, still love you, I didn't want to be without you. We argued the whole afternoon about it, you were adament about it and in the end, as much as it broke my heart, I gave in. Even if I couldn't have you as my husband, I still wanted you as my soul mate. I was scared for you though, I didn't trust her, still don't. I hate arguing with you Jeff, you know that, I was just so upset, I had come to accept that I held deep feelings for you however they were not returned.'

Tamzin looked down to the floor, she never knew this was how Dixie felt when her and Jeff got together, never realised just how deep the bond ran between Dixie and Jeff. She always assumed Dixie accepted it, clearly she didn't. Jeff, on the other hand still stared at Dixie, he refused to imterrupt but just listened. Everything was coming back to him and he replayed the argument in the ambulance before the explosion, he remembered Dixie's voice cracking as she took the call just after he asked her for a divorce, he thought he was doing the right thing, but even he had to admit his timing was rubbish.

'You go first, I'm right behind you.' Dixie spoke these words staring straight ahead not making eye contact with either of them trying to stop the tears that were welling up inside as she thought back to that fateful moment that changed everything. 'You go first. I'm right behind you. Those words still haunt me even now. The explosion, the screaming, the silence, the slow motion that followed still haunt me. I couldn't believe that I had lost you not only as a husband but as a person. I was terrified. Even I have to admit it, you seemed happy at the thought of marrying her and I felt sad that you were probably not going to get that chance. I couldn't move. I was rooted to my spot sobbing my heart out for you watching as they put the flames out. Then I heard someone shout for a medic. I watched as Stevie and Dom ran straight past me and towards the van. I was pertrified, in shock. I don't know what snapped me out of it, love I guess but before I knew it my legs were moving quicker and quicker getting closer to you. They tried to stop me, hold me back so I wouldn't see but I did.'

Dixie felt the tears pour down as she shut her eyes and relived the vision of Jeff laying on the ground, gasping for air, whimpering, smouldering. She could see his jerky movements, smell his burning flesh, see the damage to his face which was charred, see his clothes sticking to his burning body. It was horrific. 'I saw Jeff. Burnt and fighting for his life. My Jeff, dying right infront of me.' That was it. Dixie was visibly crying now. Tamzin was looking red eyed and ghostly white, Jeff looked down at the floor, clearly he was reliving it too.

'Sorry. Need the loo.' Dixie whispered before hurridly making her exit leaving Jeff and Tamzin sitting in silence digesting everything they had just heard.

'I had no idea that is how she felt about us Jeff.' Tamzin said after a few moments of silence. Jeff didn't respond but got up himself.

'I am going to get another drink, same again?'

Tamzin nodded watching Jeff leave. She sank back in her chair thinking about what Dixie had said. She had really had a bad day that day, feeling pushed out by her friend of so many years,told that he wanted a divorce and then watch him in an explosion. She had no idea what any of that felt like and felt pity for the woman who had been sitting opposite her. What Dixie was describing made her story seem weak and pointless but nevertheless, she had to hear it, to understand and also to help her recount her feelings.

Dixie arrived back a few minutes before Jeff and sat back in her seat making herself comfortable again. Tamzin didn't know what to say to her and it was clear Dixie didn't want to talk just yet anyway. So, she opted for middle ground, to break the silence.

'Jeff has gone to get some more drinks.'

Dixie nodded without making eye contact playing with the hem of her top until Jeff returned handing out drinks before setting himself back down in his chair again. He noticed thay the two women looked uncomfortable being together, he didn't know what to say to them. This was one awkward coffee date.

'Thanks Jeff.' Dixie replied taking a sip of her tea, 'needed that.'

Jeff nodded in recognition and watched as she placed her cup down on the table. 'Do you wanna carry on?'

'I don't mind. If it makes it easier then I can although I do not know how much longer I can go.'

'This must be really hard for you Dixie.' Tamzin said rather meekly.

'Hard? Oh you really have no idea do you Tamzin.'Dixie spat back making the other woman retreat further into her seat. 'It was alright for you, the woman Jeff wanted, the woman who he loved the most, the woman who was sat twiddling her thumbs at the ED waiting for her lover to return a hero. You have absolutely no idea how hard it was.'

'Dix' Jeff interrupted her rant, 'calm it yeah.'

Tamzin was grateful Jeff had come to her rescue and cut Dixie off before she launched into a verbal attack on her. This was clearly starting to take its toll on Dixie and her emotions were rather raw. No apology was made, Tamzin wasn't sure if she expected on or not. Either was one wasn't coming when Dixie continued.

'It was hard. Watching on. Hearing Jeff try and breathe, watching my team trying to stabalise his airway and give him fluids. They were struggling to get a line in or anything. I knew I wasn't in a fit state to treat him myself, I wouldn't have been allowed to anyway considering, so, I did what I thought was best.'

Turning to face Jeff, Dixie looked into his eyes as more tears filled her own. 'I came and sat on the floor by your head. The smell made me sick, looking at you so badly burnt, seeing you in so much pain, it really upset me, I hated it. I sat by your head and talked to you. Told you that you had to hang on in there, told you that you were loved so much. I told you I loved you and would stand by you. I told you that I didn't want you to go. I didn't want you to leave me.'

Dixie sobbed her way through the last few sentences and just sat still shaking. Tamzin watched as Jeff went over to her and held her close to him. She watched as he comforted the other woman, watched as he stroked her hair, watched as he held her tightly. Her and Jeff never had that and never will. She realised that the bond Jeff and Dixie shared would and could never be broken. It was clear as day, Jeff and Dixie belonged together. She heard Jeff start to talk to Dixie.

'Dix, to this day I am grateful you stayed with me, you have always been by my side. You knew I was making a mistake, you wanted to protect me, be there for me and you where. I am so grateful to you, I really am.'

Turning to Tamzin, Jeff said, 'I think we need to stop there if you don't mind. She is tired and getting this upset isn't going to do her or our baby any good. Can we meet later on? About 4pm? Text me where you are staying and we will come there.'

And with that, Jeff picked up Dixie's bag, his phone and keys before helping Dixie to her feet. Tamzin watched as he hobbled towards and up the stairs supporting Dixie.

'She's pregnant.' Tamzin's heart sank again. She was starting to realise that she had no hope of winning him back, she was now on the outside getting a taste of what Dixie had gone through and she wasn't too sure that she liked it.


	4. Chapter 4

Tamzin sat still after Jeff and Dixie had left. She appeared to be in a state of shock. She slowly consumed the rest of her coffee and gathered her things before walking out into the lunch time rush of Holby. She didn't know where she was going, nor, what she was thinking, but, her feet took her into the shopping centre and into M&S. Before long, she was stood in front of the baby section looking at the array of baby grows, sleep suits, cardigans, mittens, coats, blankets, bibs and toys. Her head was still a mess after listening to Dixie and finding out that she was pregnant, Tamzin was having trouble thinking let alone talking coherently right now. She moved slowly and purposefully along the aisles, picking up garments, studying them and putting them back down. To anyone else, she could have been the expectant mother, an actual mother, or a family member looking at the next outfit to buy. No one would know she was the girlfriend, the one who Jeff could have fathered a child with, but, he didn't.

Without knowing how she got there, Tamzin took a small table in the corner of Fat Jackets and placed her tray down along with her small shopping bags. She slowly took out of her bag the small gift she had bought Jeff and Dixie's unborn baby peeling the price label off carefully. She studied her purchase for a moment before placing it in the gift bag she had bought too. Taking out the card and pen, Tamzin thought about what she would write before committing it to the card. Placing everything together safely, she hoped that they would take it in the manner it is intended, a small gift, a show of her congratulations to them. Even though things were strained between the three of them, she wanted to wish them well with their new arrival and hoped that the contents of the bag would do just that.

Finishing up her jacket potato, Tamzin collected her bags and headed back to her hotel. She quickly text Jeff as she arrived in her room giving him the name, address and room number, she also asked if he wanted her to book a table at the restaurant or something. Deciding there was nothing she could do until Jeff responded, Tamzin went off for a swim to try and digest everything Dixie had said.

The water was nice and warm and provided a bit of relief from the tension in her shoulders. As she swam up and down the pool, she replayed Dixie's words in her head. She had no idea Dixie felt abandoned by Jeff when he got together with her, she didn't even realise that Dixie was struggling to come to terms with it. The thing that confused her though was why Jeff asked Dixie for a divorce. They hadn't been going out that long and hadn't slept together in that sense, it baffled her. She wondered if Jeff wanted to move in with her or if he wanted to marry her. No doubt, it will come out later on when they all sat down to talk some more. Talk? Who am I kidding? Tamzin thought to herself, at the moment she was the one being talked at!

One thing though, her reasoning for leaving, for walking away, although serious for her was now going to sound completely pathetic and trivial to what Dixie had endured when Jeff was injured and no doubt what they have gone through since. Tamzin was finding this all a little too much to cope with, but, now she had started the ball rolling, she had to let it continue on its path. The thing she seemed to be struggling the most with at the moment was coming to terms with the fact that Jeff didn't want her anymore, he was happy and settled, her moments with him had passed and that made her sad.

Dixie sat on the sofa with Abs at her feet. Her eyes were still red and sore from the crying she had done since leaving Richendo's and she was utterly exhausted. She sat rubbing her tummy and looking at her recent scan photo. She barely noticed Jeff hobbling in and placing two mugs of hot chocolate down on the coffee table.

'You are getting better at that.'

'What?'

'Bringing in two drinks without spilling them. Your control and strength is getting a lot better these days.'

'Oh right, so no thank you Jeff for the drink then?'

'Don't be daft, but if you insist, thank you Jeffrey for the drink, it is much appreciated.' Dixie replied taking on a mocking tone in her voice as Jeff raised his eyes and sat down beside her.

'You did well this morning babe. I am really proud of you.'

'Are you?'

'Of course I am. Why do you think I wasn't?'

Dixie shifted position again on the sofa taking a sip of her drink and forcing Abs to retreat into his basket.

'I dunno. I just felt, feel inadequate next to her.'

'Why?'

'Well, let's face it she is tall, thin, good looking with an incredibly toned body and you were happy with her that is why you wanted a divorce. Here I am, pushing 45, fat and wobbly.'

'The key word there is was Dix. I should have listened to you. You were right, you knew she would break my heart, you knew it was all going to end in tears but I didn't see it. Maybe I didn't want to see it.'

'It was just horrible Jeff. Being pushed out like I was for a younger model. Watching you from the side-lines then when you told me where I stood, it was all a little bit too much, then, when it happened, I didn't know what to think or feel.'

Jeff took Dixie's hands in his own and looked her in the eyes. 'Dix, we have been through this, we have talked about it, we have been honest with each other about my relationship with Tamzin, about us, about everything. I know how you felt and I am sorry you felt like that, but, what is important now is that I am still here annoying you, we are together and have our baby to look forward to. What we need to do now is focus on us and what we have.'

'You got that bit right.'

'What bit?'

'The fact that you are still here annoying me.'

'You wouldn't have it any other way princess.'

Dixie nodded before resting her head on Jeff's shoulder. They enjoyed a moment of silence before Jeff's phone bleeped with a message. Reading it, Jeff sighed before placing it back onto the table.

'Was that her?'

'Yep.'

'Do you still want to know why she did a runner?'

'I do want to know why she did and I do want her to know what her actions did to you, to me and the affect it had on us. I want to listen to her but make her listen to us, afterwards, I don't know. I guess I just want to close the door and move on.'

'Did you want me to carry on?'

'Do you want to carry on?'

Dixie shrugged. 'If it makes it easier I could carry on, but I don't think I can at the moment.'

'OK, well how about I tell her that you are too exhausted and we can meet tomorrow.'

'Could do, but, would you mind if we didn't go to the hotel.'

'Not at all babe. Where were you thinking?'

'Ambulance station.'

'Eh?'

'Well it isn't here, nor at hers, but somewhere we all have in common. We could go in my office and shut the door, bring in a few chairs from the rec room and just talk. That way if it all gets too much we can just leave and come home or go and sit in an ambulance or something.'

'Not too sure what Mac will make of that.'

'Who cares.'

'Ok, well maybe then I should start tomorrow telling her how I felt about her and how her walking away got to me.'

'That is if she even comes.'

'I think she will babe. I think she will.'

Jeff sent a reply back before finishing his drink. He knew how Dixie felt when he was with Tamzin and knew the divorce really upset her. He remembered asking her about it when he was on the ward one night, once he had accepted Tamzin had gone and wasn't coming back, when he had finished shouting and screaming at Dixie calling her every single name under the sun. He told Dixie to be honest and she was, it was what he needed to hear at the time, honesty. He looked again at Dixie, she looked exhausted by it all, but he was immensely proud of her. She had been the brave one in all of this, not him or Tamzin. No one would have done what she did on that day, he wasn't entirely sure he would have done it if the tables had been turned. It just went to show how strong Dixie was and how lucky he was to still be here and with her. If Tamzin did turn up in the morning, he would start the conversation this time unless she said anything otherwise. She was going to listen before she earnt the right to reply, and Jeff was going to make sure she listened.

Tamzin got out of the shower after her long swim to see a reply from Jeff:

 ** _Dixie is really tired. It took a lot out of her this morning and I need to think of her and the baby. Meet tomorrow, 10am, Dixie's office at the Station, will talk more then._**

Tamzin was filled with a sense of dread. Why at the ambulance station? Could I go back there and face everyone after what I did? Is this some form of punishment? She thought about backing out, but wouldn't that make her a coward for a second time? No, she had to do this, she instigated the chat, she had to see it through. Reluctantly, she replied saying that was OK and that she would see them then before shutting her phone off and collapsing onto her bed wondering what she had let herself in for.

 ** _A / N – Many thanks for all the reviews so far. I hope this chapter was OK. Thank you for being patient with updates. Enjoy the sun!_**


	5. Chapter 5

**_A / N – Sorry for the long time between updates. Am not sure when I will get chance to update again as my little one will be on summer holiday from Monday, so will be quite busy._**

'I can't believe that she is coming back.' Mac exclaimed as he moved yet another piece of furniture around the Rec Room. He had been giving his opinion on the matter for a good half an hour and Jeff had well and truly had enough. Dropping the end of the sofa he was holding and letting out an audible sigh, Jeff turned to Mac and said,

'I know you can't, but she is, so stop whinging about it and give me a hand moving this into Dixie's office.'

Jeff motioned with his head to the sofa before placing his hands at his ends. Slowly, Mac unfolded his arms and bent down to pick it up shuffling it with Jeff along the narrow corridor to the office.

'After everything she did to you Jeff. I can't get my head around why you would willingly talk to her and bring her here of all places.'

They heaved the sofa through the door and plonked it down on the ground near the window. Jeff straightened his back allowing his spine to click before he spoke again.

'I know Mac, but, like I said ten minutes ago, I want to know why she did it and I want her to know how it all affected us. She ain't getting away easily with this.'

'But why here? I don't want to see her.'

'I am not asking you to see her or speak to her. Dix doesn't want her at home, I don't want to go to her hotel and we don't want to chat in public so, Dixie suggested here.'

'I just hope the two of you know what you are doing.'

'We do Mac.' Dixie interrupted bringing the pair a cup of tea each and a biscuit to thank them for their hard work. They had moved the office around to allow for the sofa and comfy chair from the Rec Room to have plenty of room. They had also brought in a smaller table for drinks in case they wanted any. Dixie looked at Jeff, he had clearly overdone it a little and was in some discomfort. Going over to her bag, she extracted his painkillers and handed him one to take with his tea.

The awkward silence that followed was broken by the sound of Mac's radio cracking into life with a call. Thanking Dixie for the tea and biscuit, he made his way out of her office and towards the Ambulance. Jeff stood watching until Mac had driven off before slumping into the arm chair rubbing his temples.

'My God, I didn't think he was gonna stop.'

Dixie smiled before perching on the arm, 'I know. But he means well, he just doesn't always say it the right way.'

''Yeah, I know, I could just have done without him sticking his oar in that's all.'

'I know, but, that is Mac for you, he likes to have his say and feel he is helping in some way. He does care though, he really struggled after it happened. He came to see you every day and would read you the sports pages, tell you how the local team was doing, tell you about the inane shouts he had been on. He…' Dixie stopped for a minute and took a deep breath before continuing, 'he was also the one who you confided in after she had gone, he was the one who finally got through to you when she left after you didn't believe me. It was Mac who got through to you.'

Jeff placed his hand on Dixie's knee and gave it a light squeeze, he didn't need to say anything in response to that. He knew he had been a tool when Dixie broke the news to him. He called her every name under the sun and told her to get out. It was, as Dixie said, Mac who came in and told him, Mac who showed Jeff the texts Dixie had been sending Tamzin updating her on his progress, asking if she was going to stop by. It was Mac who showed Jeff the call logs and e mails that all went unanswered. He knew he was only trying to help now.

Tamzin walked towards the Ambulance Station, she hadn't been there in a year and it hadn't changed at all, it was still busy. She slowly approached the open bay giving it a quick check over to see if she recognised anyone in there. Relieved that Mac wasn't about to ambush her, she quickly made her way to the Rec Room and along the corridor to Dixie's office. She stopped by the open door to see Jeff sitting in the arm chair with his head resting against Dixie's shoulders. She took a moment to watch them, they were not talking but were just happy sitting close to each other. She felt a pang of grief wash over her, she could have had that if only she hadn't walked away, now she had lost Jeff for good.

Taking a moment to compose herself, Tamzin knocked on the glass causing both of the Colliers to look up and at her. She gave them a half smile which only Dixie reluctantly returned as she got up from the chair.

Jeff also stood to face her before motioning at the array of seats in front of her. Once Tamzin had sat down, Jeff left to help Dixie make the drinks.

Joining her at the kitchen he said, 'This is going to be tough isn't it?'

'No shit Sherlock.' Dixie replied as she placed the cups, tea pot, milk jug and sugar on a tray. Jeff smiled holding the doors open for her as they went back to the office closing the door behind them.

Once they were all settled, Tamzin thought she would break some more ice by handing Dixie the gift bag she had brought with her. 'I hope you don't mind, but, I bought you both something for the baby, to say congratulations to you both. I didn't know what to buy or anything, but, wanted to get you something.'

'Thank you, that is really kind of you. We will have a look later.' Dixie replied as politely as she could taking the bag and placing it safely beside her in the chair.

Tamzin took another deep breath, 'Dixie, I know yesterday must have really been hard for you and I am so sorry I put you through all of that. I had no idea that is how you felt.'

Dixie raised her hand to signal for Tamzin to stop shaking her head slightly, she didn't want to dwell too much on it, Jeff had other plans for the day.

Turning to Jeff, Tamzin continued, 'I am sorry Jeff for what I did, how I acted. I regret it and this last year has been really hard for me too you know. Not a day goes by when I didn't think of you, what you were doing, how you were. I jumped and panicked every time my phone rang or bleeped in case it was someone telling me that you hadn't made it. I read the texts and e mails but I just couldn't reply. I acted rashly and made a decision, I just didn't know what I was going to do, how I was going to cope, I really struggled Jeff, I…'

'You really struggled? What are you talking about? You took the easy route out didn't you? You couldn't be arsed with some hard work some dedicated care, so you cut and run didn't you?' Jeff interjected.

'No, it wasn't like that, if you would just let me explain…'

'Not going to happen any time soon. You legged it, did a bunk and now you are going to hear what it was like, then and only then will you have earned your right to reply.'

Jeff had raised his voice and was only aware of it once Dixie had tapped him on the leg to get him to stop. He hadn't noticed the tears that ran down Tamzin's face or Dixie pass her a tissue and ask her if she wanted a minute or two to herself. He didn't know how he felt at that moment, he was just so angry with her, how dare she even try and say she knew how hard it must have been for Dixie or even try and justify her actions yet.

Once people had calmed down, Dixie had taken on the role of mediator and had told Tamzin that Jeff wanted to speak first and get somethings out in the open. Another pot of tea was made and the biscuits were brought in much to the disgruntlement of Mac, Dom and Stevie, but, the promise of cream cakes later on the week kept them sweet.

'Do you remember that footballer?'

Tamzin nodded. How could she forget? She recalled the incident in her head, he wasn't exactly being cooperative and she didn't collar him quick enough. She walked away and Jeff wasn't happy with her actions but lied for her none the less. She remembered the guilt she ended up feeling and the relief when she came clean.

'I lied for you. I didn't want to be protected if I lost my job too. I don't know then if I had feelings for you like that, but I know I cared about you and didn't want you losing your job over it. I wanted to help and thought I was helping you out. It wasn't until you left that day that I realised that I did feel something for you and I had lost out. I skulked around the house and at work for a good couple of weeks afterwards. I won't say I completely forgot about you, but, every date I went on after that just didn't feel right. When Dix got herself suspended, I was cross with her. I started questioning what I had with her, I really felt like she had let me down, but, then I realised how I was feeling was exactly how she was feeling when I lied for you. We all make mistakes and have to live with the consequences. When you came back to cover, Mac wasn't happy and thought it would spell trouble, I stuck up for you. I was glad you were back and I thought I had a chance to put things right. When you said you had a fiancé, I was gutted, absolutely gutted, I had missed my chance with you. I think we both know that we didn't exactly hide the fact that we both had feelings for each other. You kept on looking at me, I kept on looking at you, the comments we made, how we were together. It was, well, awkward really. Then I met Samantha, I guess I just wanted to be with someone. I was really missing Dixie and seeing you go off with your fella just made me lonely. She wasn't right for me, I knew it even if she didn't. I feel bad at the fact I was just using her to fill a void you know. Then, well, it happened didn't it. We stopped playing about, stopped going round the houses and finally got together. I took you on our date to the pier and we had chips and a good time. We went to a restaurant tasting event, just stayed in, and went bowling, shopping. I was really happy with you, I felt happy. I told you after what had happened with Samantha that I didn't want to rush anything like that, I wanted you but didn't want to jump straight in. We shared a bed together but that was it. I wanted to do it right. I had waited so long to finally be with you, finally acknowledge my feelings for you that I didn't want to spoil anything. I wanted to enjoy it and take our time over it. When I knew that I loved you, I asked Dixie for a divorce. I didn't know what she had been going through when she was away, nor did I know how she felt about me. I hurt her when I asked for it, I saw her wipe away the tears. I had it in my mind that I was going to marry you and be with you. Dixie said yesterday about how she felt and how we argued, I know now she was trying to be protective, trying to stop me getting hurt. She always had a suspicion something was amiss with you and that you couldn't be trusted, she was worried that you would leave me at the altar if someone else came along just like you did with Dave. I tried to tell her that you wouldn't do that, you wouldn't leave me. But. She was right wasn't she Tamzin, Dixie was right wasn't she? You did leave me, you left me when I needed you the most….'


End file.
